Writing real life…one book at a time
I have been slacking and procrastinating so much over the past few months, but I’m back on the writing grind now. My current work in progress, Extracurricular Activity is coming along nicely. I’ve tried stepping outside my literary box and trying some different things with character, plot twists, and story lines, so it’s taking me longer to write and finish this, but it’s almost complete. Stay tuned!
When I got the idea for writing The Divorce Chronicles Series, 
I was newly separated. My own four and a half year marriage had run it’s course. My now, ex-husband and I started dating in 2007 and we got married four years later. We divorced in 2015. The nearly nine years worth of headache, heartache, blood, sweat, and tears that I had given this man had me all in my feelings, so I started a blog titled Not So Happily Ever After. I’m not much of a talker; I’ve never liked talking to anybody much, especially about my feelings, so writing this blog was the most logical way to go for me. It was an almost therapeutic way for me to express the feelings that I’ve kept bottled up inside of me and craftily concealed, hidden by my smile, my praise for my ex-husband, and the seemingly perfect image of marriage that I showed to outsiders.
I started writing The Divorce Chronicles back in 2015, during what had to be the fastest separation and divorce process I’ve ever seen. We became separated in mid-September and by mid-November, our divorce was final. After all of those years together, it was all over in a couple of months. During my marriage, I often referred to myself as an actress who’d auditioned for and won the role of a happily married woman, and I played the hell out of that role. Everyday, I got up, got dressed, put on my clothes, shoes, my smile, and my game face on. Ex-girlfriends (who were still very much present), ex-baby-mama’s, random chicks that he’d been involved with-they all found their way right in the center of our relationship at some point or another, but I was ready to deal with any and everything they wanted to bring my way. Because at the end of they day, I had the ring and his last name…they didn’t. From the outside looking in, people thought I was as happy as I portrayed myself to be. On the inside, I was far from happy, but I still continued to hype up my husband the way a loving wife should. I made him seem like he was as close to perfect as one could get. I had taken a vow to stay with him for better or for worse, til’ death, and I was determined to do just that. Even though the trust had been broken long before we ever even thought about marriage- which meant our foundation already had a crack in it and we would crumble eventually- I was still determined to play the hand I was dealt to the best of my ability. Eventually, I lost myself while playing this role. I started thinking, “Why are you trying to prove to these other chicks how much your husband loves you and how happy you two are? That’s not your place to do that…that’s his job.”
I was miserable inside, regardless of how happy I appeared to be in our couples selfies and the numerous photos we’d take together. The fire had long since died out in our marriage, but still I hung in there, hoping that something would spark and re-ignite the flames, and we’d get that old thang back that had kept us together for so long. I told myself to just keep smiling, that I could handle whatever was thrown at me, as long as my kids were happy. In the end, I finally realized that I deserved to be happy too, and I wasn’t. Like myself, many women stay in unhappy marriages everyday for different reasons. The ridicule and criticism from family and friends was another reason I sucked it up and dealt with it. Sometimes, your family members think they know what’s better for you and your life more than you do, even though they’re not the one’s who have to walk in your shoes.
My blog became my diary that I chose to share with the world. And as I blogged, I started seeing characters in my head who were going through their own divorces, which is how the concept for this series came about. Lastly, none of this is to bash my ex- or any man- but rather to help me. Each time I purge myself of the many different emotions I have felt over the years that I kept hidden from everybody on the outside looking in, I’m able to exhale and I feel better about myself and the decision I made to finally stop pretending and truly be happy. Hope you enjoy! XOXO
Joyce
J.L. SAPPHIRE 